Didn't see that coming!
by thenormalfreak
Summary: Finally!, he gets to have all his old friends over at Dalton, but then those warblers just had to ruin it! and there's STILL nothing on TV! be careful boys...this time its personal! warning: descriptions of imagined violence, guns and crossbows and Blaine under drapery...


**That's it, iv given up, I can't seem to write fic's with meaning, (and trust me Iv tried) soooo iv decided to put up any of the little one shots my brain seems to create. Now I will warn you, there's some bad language in here, terrible grammar and spelling, though iv started evening classes to re-do my English, something I should have done years ago, so hopefully it'll get better, and mild descriptions of violence...have fun! I know I will!**

* * *

Kurt was sitting in his dorm with the rest of new directions, with it being a weekend and all he had been allowed visitors...the faculty just didn't _have_ to know how many. So, there he was sitting in his dorm, flicking through the channels in hope of a good movie, mainly because the only movie they could all agree on had just finished.

Ice age was a classic!...

''There's never anything on on a Sunday!'' stated a rather over-dramatic Rachel.

Kurt was about to state, in a very dignified manner, that he had noticed that, _thank you very much!_ When suddenly, shouts came from the hallway...

''GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!'' well, that sounded like Blaine, though it wasn't exactly an odd thing to here in Dalton...

''THATS WHAT SHE SAID!'' ahhh, that's defiantly David, which means Wes would not be far behind...'_ohhh that sounded wrong' _though Kurt...'_then again'_...

''IT WASN'T MY FAULT THIS TIME!''

''LIKE HELL IT WASN'T!'' suddenly they heard bangs...a lot like gun shots...the most likely cause of this would be because they _were_ gun shots...but still...

He, along with the everyone else turned to stare at the door, plain wood stared back for about 30...maybe 45 seconds, and though Kurt wasn't positive of the specifics of a man-door staring contest, he counted it as a win when the door shot open with a raggedy, and rather undapper, rushed Blaine running in...

everyone stared...

''save me!'' the curly haired boy begged, staring at Kurt before turning to the door, before anyone could say anything Blaine jumped across the room and hid behind the sofa Kurt was sitting on...taking the curtains Kurt had left on the table ready to be fixed, with him...cowering under them like a new born puppy...which, when you think about it, was a rather apt analogy when speaking of this specific boy.

when they all turned to stare at Kurt, he sighed and turned, in turn, to the dapper turned undapper daltonite now devilishly disguised beneath his damaged drapery... well, wasn't that a mouthful...

''what did you do this time?'' Kurt asked with his patented (if-you-lie-to-me-i-will-take-all-your-hair-gel-and-use-it-to-superglue-all-the-skin-that-i-will-slowly-shred-from-you-with-a-blunt-nail-back-onto-your-screaming-and-agonised-corpse-like-body) … glare, it was one blaine was unfortunately familiar with.

''well, you remember the idea I had...''

''the one I told you not to, under any circumstances, do?''

''oh! You remember!''

''vividly''

''well I may have, sorta, done it...''

''I assumed as much, what with the gunshots, yelling, and hiding under my curtains...wait! How the hell did you get all the sand you needed!''

''oh the pet shop about three blocks away had lodes!''

''and the toy teeth?''

''ebay...''

''please tell me you didn't take the tazer gun from Mr...''

''well...''

''Blaine!''

''it's OK I tazered him first! So he'll be unconscious for at least another hour!''

''oh, well just make sure to get it back to him beforehand''

''k!''

Suddenly Wes and David came into the room, looking like they were trying to be ninjas, but failing horribly, it could have been because Wes was covered in sand and David was still twitching, but Kurt preferred to believe they were just really bad ninja wannabes.

Both boys looked at new directions, taking in there's shocked, and in most places scared shit-less, faces...other then Kurt's pissed-off/apathy thing he had going on. And quickly tried to hide the large machine guns they had been holding.

''WHAT THE FUCK!'' shouted puck...in his sophisticated, yet sympathetic style...well, it was sophisticated compared to the area he grew up, and totally sympathetic in a round about, twirly whirly kind of way...

''erm...'' Wes and David glanced at each other with shrugs, before seeming to think, as one _'fuck it'_ and bringing out the guns again, not pointing them anywhere in particular, or peculiar or in any way protractor...though Kurt was pretty sure you couldn't point _anything _protractor, so technically the statement stands...

Suddenly, hearing a quiet whimper coming from Blaine, David got trigger happy and shot at the the couch, right where Kurt was... but of course when the bullet hit, Kurt wasn't there, he was, in fact, standing, glaring, at the two boys who looked equal parts shocked, scared and rather hungry...though the last one could wait.

''did you just _shoot_ at me?'' it wasn't really a question, despite the obvious question mark at the end.

Wes knew his life depended on the answer he spoke here...there was no choice...no escape, his only hope was to say...

''no?'' oh, that was soooo not meant to sound like a question...to late now...

suddenly, Kurt had a crossbow in his hands...one that looked like bill gates, Tony stark and _The Stig_ had banded together to create the ultimate in arrow bolt shooting technology...

''_what_ have I told you about bringing _bullets _into. My. Room'' snarled Kurt...well half snarled, Kurt wasn't exactly _good_ at snarling, thus tends to go for this more half-snarl/half-sarcasm combination...it seems to work out rather nicely, if he did say so himself...

''erm...not to?''

''ding ding ding! You won! As your prize, you get to pick one of the following forms of death...

one...being pinned to the wall with hundreds of arrow bolts piercing through your flesh and bone until you finally bleed to death.

Two...I simply hit you with a tazer and watch you squirm and humiliate yourself's until the bliss of death takes you.

Three...I let you leave, on the condition you forget anything Blaine has done to upset you, and you do not, in any way cause, or try to cause any harm to him, _but_, I will spend this next week making your life's a living hell, _and _you have to pay me back for the damage you did to my sofa.

And four, and this is my _personal_ favourite...I beat Wes to near death, slowly and tortuously with his gavel before spearing the blunt handle, through his ear, into his brain, killing him...then, after you watch this, _David ,_I use Wes's intestines to hang you, upside down, by one ankle from the highest beam in the abandoned barn in the back fields, in which I will leave 'my heart will go on' on repeat, and Ill leave you to slowly fall into insanity and rot away.

So, what do you choose?''

Wes and David, quickly huddled together...whispering and glancing over there shoulders before whispering some more... all the while Kurt stands there ignoring the stares of his friends, whilst going over his weapon, making sure it was as immaculate as always.

Suddenly, Wes and David turn around.

''OK'' started Wes ''we choose option three''

''really?'' Kurt's face fell... ''I was really looking forward to four!''

''sorry...'' stated David, obviously not sorry at all.

Kurt glared at him...

''fine! Go now, before I change my mind''

the boys jumped and high fived before quickly running off to teapot dwarf knows were.

Kurt sat back down, crossbow gone and began flicking through channels again...

''you know there really is nothing on on a Sunday!''

He ignored the snore from behind the couch.


End file.
